If anonymity in the case of the disciple Jesus loved was so important to the author of John, would indeed the use of masculine gender not guarantee the anonymity in a better way than the use of feminine gender, which would obviously reveal to the readers at least one important feature of the disciple, namely that she is a woman?
a woman being referred to as male perhaps was not so strange at the time, as it would be to us now. spirituality in early Christianity gradually became identified with maleness. She gives several examples of the fact that ‘women whose spirituality was beyond question were described as honorary males’. With regard to Mary Magdalene there is a tradition which speaks of her maleness. In the Gospel of Thomas Jesus promises Peter that he will lead Mary Magdalene in order to make her male ‘so that she too may become a living spirit resembling you males. For every woman who will make herself male will enter the Kingdom of Heaven.’ In the Acts of Philip the Savior praises Mary Magdalene for her manly character. Because of this he gives her the task of joining the weaker Philip on his mission journey. But she is not to join him as a woman. ‘As for you, Mary,’ he says, ‘change your clothing and your outward appearance: reject everything which from the outside suggests a woman.’

this leaves open the possibility that this figure could be a woman, in spite of the masculine grammar. Perhaps the final proof that the disciple must be male, is not the grammar, but the circumstance that the disciple is called ‘son’? However, John’s Jesus does not address the disciple as ‘son’, and uses no other masculine address, which would have completed the parallelism: He said to his mother: ‘Woman, behold your son.’ Then he said to the disciple ‘behold your mother.’ By leaving out any masculine address, and by only saying ‘Behold your mother’, he instead declares the disciple to represent him as a son; both John and Mary were at the cross. This kind of representation does not necessarily mean that the disciple has to be only a male. A woman may fulfill the function of a son to a mother as clearly seen from the story of Ruth and Naomi. The female neighbors praise the way Ruth cared for her mother-in-law, by mentioning her to Naomi as: ‘she, who has been more to you than seven sons’ (Ruth 4,15). Moreover, the word ‘son’ in John 19,26 does not in any way primarily refer to the disciple Jesus loved, but rather refers to Jesus himself. For the reader who does not know the flow of the story beforehand, the word ‘son’ directed to the mother of Jesus designates her own son: the dying crucified Jesus. The reader thoroughly relates with Mary when hearing Jesus’ words towards her: ‘Woman, behold your son.’ It is only after Jesus’ words to the disciple ‘behold your mother’ that the reader suddenly turns to this second person and begins to grasp that Jesus is inviting his mother to understand the meaning of his death and to join his followers. Turning to the disciple Jesus loved, and hearing those words ‘behold your mother’ the reader is reminded of earlier farewell words of Jesus:

I will not leave you desolate; I will come to you. Yet a little while, and the world will see me no more, but you will see me. Because I live, you will live also. In that day you will know that I am in my Father, and you in me, and I in you. /He who has heard my commandments and keeps them, /he it is who loves me; and /he who loves me will be loved by my Father, and I will love /him and manifest myself to /him. (14,18-21)

This reference to both Marys is to Both the Mother and the Holy Spirit. It is in fact, addressed to both the Spirit and the Bride.

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